I think I won the penis lottery.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
