Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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