Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
