Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
