I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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