I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
