I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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