my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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