Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
