I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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