We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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