After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
