I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
