please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
