You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
