NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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