How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
