You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These tits shall not be calmed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
