Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Found the puke drawer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
