ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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