OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
