He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
