please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
