I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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