I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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