Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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