Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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