I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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