Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
