The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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