I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
