I heard we made out
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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