in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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