glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
