The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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