Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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