know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I stole a fireplace last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
