I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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