People in love make me want to vomit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
