remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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