Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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