I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
