listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
