Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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