I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
