just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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