It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
