conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
