someone threw a dead crab at me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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