Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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