Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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