you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
