I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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