I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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