you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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