a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
