I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
