did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
