Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
