please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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