She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
did i walk over a car last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
